I need my Mom to stop trying to feed my husband. Bad enough she’s (largely) responsible for my lifelong body image issues and eating disorders, now she’s determined to undermine our doctor-prescribed eating plan by offering my husband food every freakin’ time she sees me.
I have issues with food. After years and years of struggle with eating, a nutritionist recently diagnosed me with orthorexia — an unhealthy obsession with healthy foods. She put me on an eating plan where I log all of the foods I eat as well as all of my exercise. I’m a runner, and until I got on board with this plan, I was under-eating my daily caloric intake by about 600 calories. This pushed me into a state of constant “starvation mode” in which my body clung to every morsel of fat I consumed, much like Gollum clings to The One Ring all throughout the Hobbit.
I also learned that weight gain is a huge trigger for my depression. Before finding this nutritionist and getting onto the Noom app, any erratic weight gain sent me into a tailspin of depressive suicidal ideation. Being able to account for my foods and knowing that I am eating well soothes me and reminds me that I am trying my best to stay healthy and alive.
Since I met my husband, this level of self-care extends to him as well. Our doctor has assured us that we both need to be careful with our physical health. My husband is tall and heart-attacks, stroke, and diabetes run in his family. He’s a fantastic amazing person and I want to spend years and years traveling and running around this world with him. Especially since we didn’t even meet until we were in our 40s! It’s really important to us to have as much time together as we can.
Enter my Mom, a woman who will remark upon how it looks like you’re putting on weight and then offer you a slice of pie. She flagrantly disregards her own doctor’s health advice; makes sense that she would ignore ours as well. Lately, this is a common scenario:
Mom will bake a dessert — brownies, for example. When I visit, in front of any family members who happen to be visiting, she will say, “Don’t you want to take Jason some brownies? I made them just for him.”
I refuse. “Thank you, but we don’t need brownies.”
She gushes. “I can’t believe you won’t let your husband have any brownies.”
She does this ALL THE TIME. Every time I see her.
She knows I have eating issues. She knows how dedicated I am to maintaining our healthy lifestyle. She also knows I’m devoted to my husband, who also loves sweets and cannot resist a baked good if I bring it home to him.
When I tell my Mom to please stop offering, and then openly snack shaming me in front of our family, she laughs it off and says it’s because I’m a control freak.
So in typical agoraphobic fashion, I try to avoid interactions with my mother.
My husband has been going to my parents’ house to record his music when they aren’t home. My Mom has now been leaving food for him, like I don’t feed us… like I’m not a badass cook who makes really great, healthy meals for us to eat! She’s been sneaking him food!?
This is where I am in my healthy eating journey: Torn between my food-manipulative ex-Pageant Mom and my husband who will never resist a fresh-baked cookie.