My first novel, self-published, Reprieve.
So many conflicting feelings surrounding this one. If I had to do things over, I would have been more patient. I grew tired of publishers telling me that the kind of racism I was writing about in this book “didn’t exist in 1992,” despite that this book story was inspiring by actual events around my old hometown of Vidor during that time.
I will say that writing this novel reordered my brain. It changed me on a molecular level. Though my heart still entertains a fantasy in which this book is made into a movie, I know that it is deeply flawed and missed its time. Still, I love this imperfect creation and cherish the gifts it gave me.
Elsekind, my first true novel.
Published by Black Rose Writing, Elsekind was the novel I started with my ELA students at Parades during our study of the Archetypal Journey. One of my students asked why characters in these stories didn’t look like them. Thus Kex came into existence: a young woman of color in a world where she was viewed as an Elsekind, a child of two races but belonging to none. A badass sword fighter who never lies, Kex and her gay best friend set out to save the world.
I finished the rough draft of Elsekind at my desk in Seoul. Once we returned home to the States, I edited and submitted it the Texas Writer’s League contest, where it received an overall score of 82/100. They encouraged me to submit it, which I did. After a few tries, it got picked up as a BRW Young Adult title. I always hoped to write a sequel, but as it turns out, the marketing tour life didn’t suit me, so I went back to writing for fun.
Sea Glass, the book that broke my heart.
Writing about my experience with this book hurts. It’s a deep ache, an unhealed wound, and I don’t know that I will ever be okay with how the events around this fell.
I will start by saying that the story poured from me like a river: pure, clean, and whole. It’s a story about how love heals us, and how are connection to others will save the world. It felt as though my heart opened up and gave me this gift. I thought that it could heal people, as it had healed me. It was the best of me, and I gave it to the world with the tenderest of hopes.
On the day of its release, a rival of sorts on twitter of all places, tanked me. She attacked me publicly for writing in the LGBTQ community for profit, a space she to which she claimed I do not belong. I actually do belong to the LGBTQ community; I have since I was a child. But it didn’t matter; she sent her followers after me. Her hatefulness stunned me, especially since she hadn’t even bothered to read the story.
Maybe that’s what hurt the most. Her actions were as far from the story’s message as I could imagine. Sea Glass is about several wounded people finding each other and then working together to make their small world a better place. This person was one hate-filled individual sabotaging another human being for no gain other than spite.
To make matters more complicated, the day of the book’s physical release, we went into a two-year COVID quarantine and our whole world changed.
I felt betrayed by the Universe. It broke me in a way I still haven’t been able to process. It forced me to see humanity in a way I didn’t want to acknowledge, and my heart may never recover.
All that said, I love the book and its characters. I still feel it’s the best thing I’ve ever written. Somehow that makes it hurt more.