The difference between Being In Love and Loving

Movies, TV, and books tend to focus on the ‘falling in love’ part of a relationship because, as two people fall for each other, it’s still so uncertain and dramatic. The highs and lows of this make an exciting story, but eventually, these sparks of excitement either burn out or become like campfire embers – still burning, but softer and quietly unseen.

Usually, a movie or a book ends with one of these outcomes. The credits roll, and the characters live happily ever after.

It’s good storytelling, but it misses the best part: the transition from ‘falling in love’ to ‘being in love.’ This is sad, because then we lack role models for nurturing those embers of love into something stronger.

In What If, Maybe? Taehyung asks Seokjin if he’s still in love with him. Seokjin answers that he’s no longer in that place where they’re constantly questioning and afraid. The highs and lows of emotion have become more stable, which is something Seokjin needs.

But Taehyung worries that this stability means boredom. He believed, as many believe, that the excitement of ‘falling in love’ is the only kind of love. Because Taehyung lacks experience with any other kind of love, he feels doubt.

Taehyung’s love for Seokjin was tested with Minho because Tae began to feel those first tingles of a crush. This happens a lot, and the change from ‘falling in love’ to ‘loving’ can be a delicate time in a relationship, especially when a person is young and inexperienced. Taehyung was legit worried that he was falling out of love with Seokjin because his attraction toward Minho felt very much like what he first felt when he fell for Seokjin.

Then Taehyung realized what Seokjin already knew. They still loved each other, but they weren’t falling any more. Their relationship had changed.

With Seokjin and Taehyung, I wanted to show how a relationship goes from uncertainty to strength. I wanted to show how a couple can go from having a crush, to falling in love, to building something worth keeping. Falling in love is an easy story to tell. That’s why there are so many. But keeping love: that’s where the real work begins.

I believe this is part of BTS’s message to us: Love requires work. It needs commitment: Love for yourself, for ARMY, for family, for partners, and for friends. Destiny brings us together, but it’s up to us to keep those fires alive.

In my opinion, that’s what love is. It’s the work we do for each other, the commitment we make, every single day.

Thank you so much for reading. I hope this response helps. You’ll never bother me, so please ask anything, always. I 💜 you.